So busy 😔

Finally we have moved…but… It’s not over. It does feel good to finally be out of the hotel and into a space where I can feel better. It’s made more to do but that’s okay. I finally got a space for my business to thrive. I’m still going to move slowly. Funding is tricky for me as an author. They say “don’t quit your day job”, which is true. In order to survive you have to continue to create a living for yourself. In my situation I had to come up with a way to continue my life and writing (and drawing). Being a doer and stuck with being sick and homeless left me lost. Even before that, during COVID I needed to be there for my family. So I decided to treat my book as a business. And after that find ways to promote it and gave them a theme while utilizing my abilities as an artist. I came up with – Curl up with a good Nightmare – for A Nightmare’s Point of View. Something that focuses on cozy wear. Even though it’s a scary story at times, it’s a book you can settle down with and get comfortable with, have a hot cup of tea and relax. For Shadow Side – Shadow Side, adventure waits on the other side. This one focuses on nature and natural items. I created jewelry made out of stone, wood, shell, bone, metal and etc. I looked for items that I could repurpose into jewelry, creating something new and unique while cutting down costs. (Recycling is fun!) It also helped me with my neuropathy. As a physical therapy for my grip. This gave me the opportunity to still do while I couldn’t do much but heal and recover. It also gave me the chance to make money to save for my books.

Having a business is no easy task. For the first two years, you are putting a lot into your business and hardly making money… But if you can survive those two years, you can make it. I’ve been in business for a year now and I’m starting to see a change. I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. As an author and artist I must stay fluid to adapt to change. Sometimes I don’t sell books but my other items do. I never stop being optimistic. There is always a positive. “Keep moving forward” is something I tell myself. I look at possibilities to help other writers when I come across them as well. Networking helps me and helps others out as well.

The good news is that I have placed my next book, The Crystal Prison into publication with Green Avenue Books. I will admit that I’m nervous. I believe I got a good thing going. I just need the world to see it. It’s progressing and being successful is what scares me. Weird, huh? Yeah, me and failure are old friends. Success, not so much… Until now. It’s still shocking to be out there on the front stage with people looking at me but at the same time it’s thrilling. Just getting to be me for the first time or well I guess it’s like finally being able to breathe for the first time. Just stepping forward with my head held up high, feels good.

I do love socializing with everyone when I go to events. I love the charitable ones like Joyful. They donate the proceeds to someone. There are a few out there I’ve gone to and it’s wonderful to be a part of that. (Many more to come)

That reminds me. I’m going to my first book signing event (May 12) and I’m nervous. But I tell myself even if no one shows, it’s okay, it wasn’t time. It won’t discourage me to continue. I’m going to get all my books out and that is for me. That is my real reason for this. It’s for me. I want to see what I can do. How far I can go. I’m going to enjoy this journey and happy to see where it takes me.

The bad news. I’m dealing with something I didn’t expect to be dealing with so soon. Back story. My father is a registered (if you know what I mean) that has caused a great rift with my family. So basically, I’m the only family he has. It’s painful because since his imprisonment when I was a teen, I felt as though I carried a Scarlet Letter upon my chest because of it. Because of his mistake, I was branded as well. I haven’t felt like that in a long time until now. With my father becoming diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that he’s decided not to treat, I’ve needed to come forward once again to be there for him for his last days. My only wish is for him to be comfortable and that his resting place will be taken care of. (Hopefully the VA can help with that)

I will be honest. It’s difficult to be the daughter of someone who has hurt someone. It hurts that someone was hurt. At the same time, he is my dad. He is a part of me and to hate him is to hate a part of myself. All I can do is be who I am and hope that people will be at peace. Anyway, sorry to be so deep. I’m not a shy person and I have no problem answering people’s questions about stuff. I’ve made my peace with my dad some time ago which has brought peace to me.

Anyway, on a lighter note. My health is improving. I wish it was improving faster but my body reminds me to slow down. I don’t want to be in the hospital. I’m also afraid to go back to medication again. The Tamoxifen really hit me hard. I can still feel myself physically attempting to recover. I have to slow down more and focus harder to make sure I have everything taken care of.

One step at a time.

I’ll try to keep everyone updated on The Crystal Prison. Hopefully it will be out this year!

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